Diary of a Conception

My darling babies

2009-05-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

Freddy

Genevieve

The twins have arrived

2009-05-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

As you know, I had planned an elective caesarean for the babies’ birth on 8th May… but in the end I had an emergency section at 4:00am on 29th April 2009.

My waters broke spontaneously at 1:00am after I’d got up to go to the loo, so we drove speedily to hospital where they decided to do an emergency caesarean straight away. I was 37 weeks and two days pregnant – just full term for twins.

I am not a fan of vaginal deliveries, after a hideous experience with my daughter 17 years ago, but now I'm not a fan of c-sections either! The drugs made me feel really unwell (although it was a completely painless birth). I was sick afterwards and couldn't stop shaking. I felt so bad that I was not interested in the babies, although my husband was crying and gasping in amazement and trying to get me to look at them. All I could do was concentrate on not vomiting and telling the anaesthetist my throat was closing up etc etc.

All together the birth took fifteen minutes for both babies, but then another forty-five for me to be sewed up again afterwards. However, I felt no pain at all. (I was just sick and ill)

The beautiful Freddy, “twin 1”, was born at 4:14am weighing 5.8 lb, and the lovely Genevieve, “twin 2”, a minute later at 4:15am, weighing 6.4 lb. She had a little difficulty breathing and was given oxygen for four hours, but no interventive action was taken and they were both taken with me at 9:15am to the ward (I had my own room).

From then on it was lovely. My babies are a true delight and I am so, so in love. I was up and walking within 15 hours of the op, my catheter was taken out (completely painlessly) within the same time frame and I was back home with two healthy babies two days after giving birth. Clever me. I'm very pleased to say there are no bad effects of the caesarean at all - the scar doesn't hurt. My stomach feels fine and I don’t take pain killers. (I stopped them two days after the op). If I had to do it again I was go for a c-section again but I'm not saying it was pleasant. In fact, it was thoroughly unpleasant and horrible, but... in my experience there is no nice way of getting the babies out.

My pelvic floor is completely intact and undamaged - another advantage. My lady bits are still as tight as they always were, and no tears down there. Also, it was nice that I have hardly bled (they get most of it out at the op). I had heavy bleeding for two days or so, but nothing significant and now it's just like a medium period. Sometimes I don't bleed for half a day.

The babies are a bit jaundiced but not so badly they need treatment. They just look at tad Homer Simpson!

But OH they are so adorable. I can't stop looking at them, and loving them. I kiss their little feet and blow hot air on their toes. I gaze into their eyes and tell them I'm their mummy and I would die for them. I love them so much it hurts. I am so happy to have twins. I feel like I've won the lottery.

A pic of my 35 week bump

2009-04-21T01:17:00.000-07:00

This was me a week ago. I'm even bigger now as babies are putting on fat stores like there's no tomorrow.

Suffering now

2009-04-21T00:57:00.001-07:00

36 weeks, one day.

I am deeply uncomfortable now. I think I’ve had the worst night yet. Lying on my right side is barely possible due to shooting, stabbing pains in my left ribs. In addition, unless my arm is down the blood is cut off from my hand for some reason, even though there’s nothing pressing on it and I get dreadful pins and needles. However I have to change position because my hips and legs get a deep, painful, bone ache in them every hour or two and the only way to stop it is to turn over. Lying on my back is not possible as the babies weigh too much and cause pain to the internal organs and prevent proper breathing. But the other awkward thing is that my nose and throat are completely congested most of the time and I can only breathe through one nostril, but have to cough and clear my throat fairly often. It’s very difficult to shift the catarrh as it’s so internal and quite thick.

For some reason last night my womb was doing small contractions and the skin across my stomach is so taught that it really hurts now. Even just a sheet brushing against it can be gaspingly painful. I can’t get much sleep and usually wake feeling exhausted and tearful (whilst battling to breathe through the gunge).

Today I also have a stomach ache as if I’m really hungry, but don’t want to eat because I feel sick. Don’t know what’s going on, but I feel physically attacked by numerous petty annoyances and pains from every angle. It’s very difficult to cope and I really want these babies out so I can be free from all this pain.

My caesarean is booked for ten days’ time, thank the Lord. However I’d prefer it if it were today.

Boy these last couple of weeks are tough, although I remember the constant nausea of the first three months and still think that was worse. Pain is one thing but nausea is truly hideous, and in my first trimester I was nauseous for weeks on end every minute of every day and it is the ultimate horror.

32 weeks

2009-03-26T13:45:00.000-07:00

32 weeks, 3 days

I am really big now. I have a huge bump where my flat stomach used to be. I have meaty, sturdy thighs, and very rounded hips. Also my boobs have tripled in size. This all makes everyday living quite a struggle sometimes. Putting shoes and socks on. Washing various places in the shower. Shaving legs. Turning over in bed. Getting up from a seated position. All of these activities require some effort and discomfort.

My pregnancy symptoms (complaints?) are:

The weight of the babies leading to difficulty getting around
Breathlessness
Disturbed sleep
Permanently blocked nose
Anaemia
Constipation (due to taking three iron tablets per day)
Swollen ankles
General pain and discomfort on sitting or moving or doing anything
Feeling like I need the loo frequently
Heartburn
Exhaustion

We had our 32 week scan yesterday and were told that both babies weigh approximately 4 lb each. In total that makes 8lb of baby weight alone - but that's more than Saskia was at full term - and I still have six weeks to go! Sometimes I feel as if I might burst or pop or just become too heavy to carry myself around or breathe properly.

The caesarean is now booked for 1st May, although that seems such a long way off... But at least I don't have any of the serious complications of third trimester pregnancy - just niggling discomforts.

Our names choices are now as follows:

Boys
Mallory , Fabian, Frank, Nathan, Rafi, Jerome, Alec, Giles, Frederick (Fred)

Girls
Rosa, Zoe, Tara, Genevieve, Hazel, Milla, Dana, Tamsin, Matilda, Madison, Georgette

26 weeks double bump

2009-02-24T01:39:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of my bump two weeks ago. Apparently I expand my 1cm every week from now on...

Into the third trimester

2009-02-24T01:32:00.000-08:00

28 weeks, 1 day

This is the second day of being in my third trimester! I'm so pleased and happy to be here. If something goes wrong and the babies are born now they have a 90% chance of survival. Nothing's going to go wrong though.

My pregnancy is running fairly smoothly. I've had a bit of a struggle with anaemia over the last month but it seems to be improving now. I'm on 3 x ferrous sulphate tablets every day, plus 1 x 5mg folic acid. I also take omega-3 tablets, and make sure I eat things that contain iron, such as dried apricots, leafy greens, dried peaches, etc. At one point my haemoglobin went down to 9.7, which is pretty anaemic, but after taking all the precautions described above I'm now back up to 10.4 and rising, so it's much better.

My main battle ground is The Bed. When I look at it I know I'm going to have a night of battle: fighting the pillows to get in a comfortable position so that my hips are not in agony. Getting up and going to the loo a few times and re-fighting the pillows to get comfortable again (all the while ignoring the cat and her demands either to be let out or to be fed). And also it's a right struggle to breathe. My nose is either so blocked I can't get enough air in and have to pant through my mouth, or, my lungs don't seem to take in enough air even if my nose is free. I'm constantly moving and turning and fidgeting and trying to get in a position so I can breathe and be pain-free enough to sleep.

Last weekend we constructed the nursery in the largest spare room: 2 cots, a changing station, a rocking chair, all the little clothes in the cupboard, the nappies stock-piled and bottles and sterilising unit all arranged. We've bought the car seats, double buggy and moses baskets, so we're pretty much there. Just a few more small things to get (newborn baby head rests for the buggy, perhaps some more moses basket sheets).

22 weeks twin bump

2009-01-15T02:15:00.000-08:00

I am very proud of my bump. I feel both babies move around every day and night. It's lovely. I smile when I feel them, and tell them I love them. (And yet all along there is a threatening, terrifying cloud of fear in the background that something could go wrong. I wish I could just enjoy this pregnancy without catastrophising, prediciting disaster and hideous complications.)

20 week anomoly scan

2009-01-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

Our scan went very well. The babies are developing as they should; no problems detected. But the sonographer was not very good - she kept asking me whether twin 1 was the girl or boy. How do I know? It's in the notes she has in front of her if she cares to read! She didn't tell me what the babies weighed, or give me good photographs - the ones we got were quite poor. She was a bit of a mumbler and didn't explain what we were looking at, and as she only scanned close up on various parts of each baby (such as the cerebellum, or the stomach lining etc) I didn't get any views of the babies themselves. And when I asked about my cervix, which was worrying me, she replied that she couldn't see it and I shouldn't worry.

Disappointing. At our last scan (16 weeks) we saw a female consultant who was excellent.

Oh well, at least we know she didn't spot any problems although I was told one of my babies has a head resting right on my cervix, so they couldn't check its profile. I wish he or she wouldn't do that. I need my cervix not to be put under pressure!! I sneezed this morning and... forgot to clench my pelvic floor.

Also, I am full of cold right had a terrible night’s sleep. On New Year’s Eve I went to bed at 10:30 with a headache, aching face, utterly blocked up sinuses etc and fitfully dozed on and off all night, waking with a headache, neck ache, even more blocked up etc at 5:00am. I party-pooped the entire event and have only felt well enough to get dressed today. This really is a very nasty cold. Even my windpipe and lungs feel as if they're on fire. I’m overwhelmed with gunge in my head and chest, and my head pounds and aches all day. I hope none of this is affecting the babies. Made myself a fruit tea at 4:00 this morning. Can't sleep as head too painful when I lie down, but three pillows, two blankets and a quilt still can't make it comfortable enough so I can sleep sitting up. I just want this to be over. It's one of the worst colds I've ever had.

But so, so pleased the babies seem to be developing normally. Looking forward to the next scan.

Blooming!

2008-12-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

19 weeks, 6 days

Nearly 20 weeks!

I'm feeling so healthy these days. I think I'm actually blooming!

Sometimes I don't even know I'm pregnant. I guess I'm really lucky. My symptoms are minimal: daily mild aching in the lower womb area, baby kicks, a bump, bigger boobs, and sometimes a stuffed up nose at night. Not much to moan about. Oh and I get a REALLY aching coccix as I go to stand up after sitting. I'm so pleased, as other ladies at my stage seem to have a lot more to complain about. My headaches are so minor and sometimes I don't even have one. It's a lovely relief they've more or less stopped.

We have our 20 week scan in two days' time. The anomoly scan. I will ask the sonographer if she can see my cervix (so I can stop worrying that it is incompetent).

Worry, worry, worry

2008-12-21T03:46:00.000-08:00

18 weeks, 6 days

My latest worry is incompetent cervix.

I have never been diagnosed with one but it sounds so terrifying and it is such a horror. Your cervix, 'silently' and painlessly dilates in the second trimester, and then one day your waters break, and it's the end! Horror. And you only get the diagnosis if this had happened to you several times. I don't want this to happen to me once.

I'd rather they just had a look at the cervix beforehand. I know I am paranoid and it probably isn't going to affect me, but we had a piece of rare, rare bad luck last time in the pregnancy and I unfortunately know that it can happen to you, no matter how remote you think the possibility. At my next scan, which is about 20 weeks in about 10 days time, I will ask if she can see my cervix. I'm sure the consultant will be able to reassure me that all looks fine and it's not going to happen.

I like nice good, sound medical reasons.

Meanwhile, some positive thinking and trying not to imagine the worst possible scenarios of everything.

I said to my mum today that I seem to have a tendency to catastrophise things - to imagine the very worst - and I don't know why. A kind of self-protection measure I suppose, but I wish I didn't. I think it's because this pregnancy is so very precious that it really would be the worst thing that could happen to me to lose it.

But... that's not going to happen.

My bump

2008-12-13T07:06:00.001-08:00

17 weeks, 5 days.

When walking around outside in this cold winter weather, wrapped up in winter coat and scarf, I can still easily pass as not pregnant. I don't have an obvious bulge. But in a thin top pressed close to my skin you can see that I am pregnant now. (I am very proud of this!)

I look at my stomach every night when I get ready for bed and I imagine the baboos in there... I am in awe of nature and what's going on inside me. I just think it's such a miracle, and so special... and then I starting thinking how can we be this lucky?? How can it continue to to be ok...? And then I tell myself to stop thinking negative things. etc etc and this inner dialogue/argument starts up between pesimism and optimism..

At 17 weeks

2008-12-11T11:59:00.000-08:00

17 weeks, 3 days

I have just about grown out of the first pair of maternity jeans I bought.

ANother weird symptom has emerged:

I get an unpleasant feeling in my right ear - a horrible clicking sound every time my heart beats, but I actually hear and feel it in just one ear. I sometimes sit at my computer with my left finger in my right ear just so I don't have to hear and feel the clicking any more. It's horrible!

I also still have the totally stuffed up nose every night so I guess it's to do with the whole blocked sinus issue etc, but it sure is annoying.

This morning when DH felt my stomach he remarked, "oh, it's got smaller." I said, "yes, my bump's almost gone every morning." I don't know why. We talked a little about the possibilities and then just shrugged. It's a mystery to me. In the evenings I sometimes feel a bit stretched and big but it's always gone by morning.

However I do feel movements every day and night, little flutters low down and to the side. It's a wonderful feeling.

16 week scan

2008-12-06T03:01:00.000-08:00

16 weeks, 4 days

I had my scan and everything is fine! Yes! The babies are moving, kicking each other happily, and have developed perfectly (as far as the consultant could see at this stage).

We saw perfect little spines, well-formed brains, working kidneys, pumping hearts, little hands and feet, long legs and genitals! :-D We were so happy. It was confirmed again that we have a boy and a girl (with the fact that there is a boy being very obvious!)

I guess we have to believe now that it's really going to happen and then in five months time, or less, we will have two babies.

I can feel the movements now. They just started properly in the last few days. Little flutters and internal pokes - with greater frequeny when I'm lying down. It's lovely.

DH is overjoyed, and I'm so happy to be able to give him this.

Pregnancy hormones

2008-12-04T03:44:00.000-08:00

16 weeks, 3 days

I've just had the worst night of my life. I was awake between 2:00am and 7:00am. When I finally got to sleep I dreamed my DH was having an affair, and he threw his wedding ring at me while I screamed and cried. I woke up with a headache unable to breathe, having had about an hour and a half's fitful sleep.

Pregnancy hormones are driving me crazy. And then this morning I looked in the mirror at my bump and it looked much smaller to me. I am not having a good day. Feel depressed. But at least we have the scan tomorrow..

Horrible sudden sickness

2008-11-18T03:59:00.000-08:00

14 weeks, 1 day pregnant.

Something really weird just happened so I am looking for some advice.

Today, before 11:30 I have eaten one of those "good bacterior" yoghurts a large slice of melon, half a pint of grapefruit juice, half a pint of other carbonated juice, one toasted crumpet and jam, and two freshly squeezed organic oranges. My usual pre-lunch food. I just sat down to work and my desk, but suddenly got an overwhelming desire to be sick. As you know, I had terrible nausea for six weeks solid in my first trimester, but never once threw up. I don't get that continuous nausea any more, just the rare sudden feeling of strong sickness which only lasts for a few seconds then goes away. But today, for the first time in my pregnancy I threw up the entire contents of my stomach. I just couldn't help it. I still feel a bit dodgy and wonder if I could have a bug??

Otherwise, does anyone know why vomitting should start at 14 weeks?? Could it be the "good bacterior" yoghurt or the carbonated drink? Or giving up clexane? (I stopped injecting clexane two days ago and also stopped the cyclogest bum bullets, and the mega doses of folic acid).

I felt fine straight away afterwards and was considering a full lunch or rice and vegetable sauce, but... I just hate being sick and don't like to waste all this good food - seems such a shame. Also, I am starting to feel a little dodgy again..

I suppose I just have to take my chances, carry on with life as usual and just throw up if I need to. But why now..?? And why with so little warning?

Feeling Pregnant

2008-11-12T09:53:00.000-08:00

I am 13 weeks 2 days and am starting to feel pregnant.

I can't sit slumped at my desk any more. My ribs feel like they're juddering against some soft tissue, like a stomach or something, so I have to sit with a fairly straight back these days. Probably better for me but not so relaxing!

I find my husbands boxer shorts remarkably comfortable. My own knickers dig in with a bit of a red line now.

I am starting to need maternity clothes. I long to find some dungarees that fit.

Although my nausea has receded and is just mild these days, my headaches are strong and every day. I also can't sleep and my thirst is endless. I could drink litres and litres of grapefruit juice, but limit myself as I don't want to have too much vitamin C. I also drink squashes and bottled water.

When I walk around I can feel fat in places that didn't have fat before. It wobbles when I over or go over bumps in the car. Would be highly alarming at any other time in my life. But with a twin pregnancy I am glad of it and find it comforting.

Clexane issue

I have decided to continue with the injections for the next few days and then just stop. It's not necessary to have them - my clinic believes it improves blood flow to the womb, but I think the harm that it can do (not fully known over the long term) versus the risk of not very good blood flow to the womb is maybe not worth it?? Scary decision but... that's what I'm going to do. I am phasing out the cyclogest too as it's no longer important to have progesterone support - I didn't need it before but it is a standard for my clinic.

Dilemma

2008-11-09T02:01:00.000-08:00

12 weeks 6 days.

My clinic has prescribed clexane injections for me since I became pregnant, and I am still taking them, although I have never before had a clot or am at risk of a clot. I think the ARGC prescribe it as a kind of standard, but.... I want to stop. My midwife said I have unusual low blood pressure (which I never in my life had before) and I am blaming the blood thinning injections. I'm scared to stop them in case I harm the babies (but surely I couldn't??) but still... am scared. I am on clexane injections every day and cyclogest bum bullets twice a day. I don't like it and I don't see why I'm on them, but I do them because my clinic (ARGC) said to take them.

I know that clexane can cause raised platelets in the blood - which is a bad thing - one girl I know that to have a platelet transfusion, and another is on the borderline of high. I don't want this complication. There is no clinical evidence that clexane improves blood flow to the uterus but some clinics think it might.

To sum up: cleaxane can cause bad things to happen to the body and blood when used long term, but there is no evidence that it helps blood flow to the uterus. I have delivered a full term baby before without any clexane and am now suffering from low blood pressure, headaches, a fast beating heart... all kinds of funny things. I think if I stopped the medication and just did the pregnancy naturally like last time I would be helping my body. But... it's still a scary decision!

I'm also on the lowest possible dose of clexane (and just once a day) and I know I am at minimal risk... I guess the best thing is to call my clinic and talk to them about it. I would rather take an aspirin pill than inject myself every day. I wonder if they would let me swap?I have also stopped the ferrous sulphate because the midwife said she was worried about the long term effects. So all I'm on now is pregnacare multi-vitamins and my high dose of folic acid. Feels much better (psychologically) now I've eliminated the progesterone bum bullets, clexane injections, and ferrous sulphate tablets. But I will still confess all to my clinic and will go back on clexane if they say it is important. I would rather risk my body's health than my babies health.

Shock good results

2008-11-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

12 weeks three days. Nuchal scan with D. Gibb at The Birth Company in Harley Street.

I can't believe it... Not only are my babies both normal (as far as they can tell, but certainly no acrania, praise be) with low risk of Down Syndrome, but Dr. Gibb told me with 100% certainly that Twin 1 is a girl and 98% certainty that Twin 2 is a boy.

Can you believe at 12 weeks three days I know the sex of my babies?

We are so happy. I cried so much I thought I was having an asthma attack. My DH developed an instant headached and felt like he needed to go to sleep. I think the tension in us was so high that we experienced a kind of extreme physical downer straight afterwards. :'( :'( :'(

But we are flooded with joy and are daring to dream, to think, to pray... that it might be real and might be ok. :'( :'( :'(

Twin 1 is 1:1519 risk of having Downs
Twin 2 is 1:1713 risk of having Downs

This is classified as Low. Thank the Lord!

Banging noise

2008-10-31T02:45:00.000-07:00

I got myself into a panic yesterday as for the last few nights I've notice my heart rate is much faster than usual, like it's pounding in my rib cage, and all I've done all day is sit at my computer, cook a soup, and watch TV! I was really alarmed that I timed my pulse. It was going at 96 beats per minute, and since my usual is 60, or just a little more, I was starting to panic. My heart only usaually races along like that if I've just come off the badminton court or I'm at the gym.

This morning I did some research on the internet which shows that the old familiar friend of anaemia is the cause (which I knew if I'd put two and two together) and pregnancy doesn't help either - especially a twin pregnancy.

Has anyone else noticed a racing heart beat, even while just lying in bed?

This morning it was down to 74 beats per minute. So during the day it goes up and by bed time it feels like I've been doing vigorous exercise. By morning it's resting about 20 beats per minute slower again. What that all about? Will it carry on for the whole pregnancy?

Answers

2008-10-28T05:04:00.000-07:00

I have answers to the precious day's panic. Clexane only prevents clotting by thinning the blood and does not alter the components of the blood, so using it can't give me anaemia. And iron supplements are perfectly ok to take during pregnancy.

Now, at 11 weeks one day, my symptoms include:

Waking up in the night at 4 (or so) and lying there awake for two hours or more, exhaustedly wishing I could get back to sleep
A permanently blocked nose (Why? It's not a cold, I am just always stuffy these days)
Nausea every day all day
A headache every day all day
Exhaustion
Very thirtsy

At the moment there really isn't a bump to see, just a rather fatter than usual stomach and expanded thighs and hips.

:-(

Old familiar friend

2008-10-27T03:31:00.000-07:00

11 weeks today!

I'm still feeling sick every day all day, although I dare to say that I think it's not as intense as it was before...

I've had a few dreadful headaches, so painful I've been in tears and not known what to do. Two poxy paracetamols aren't much help. Reminds me of my anaemia headaches eight years ago (I had a blood transfusion as my anaemia was so bad. Haemaglobin was 7.3 and I was not able to function day-to-day. I was so weak and in pain).

** Weird coincidence alert!! **

I just had a call from my local doctor a few minutes ago telling me that I am anaemic (I kind of knew because of the headaches).

He wants me to go back on iron tablets but:

1. Is this ok in prengnancy? I thought it wasn't good to have too much iron.

2. Do clexane injections make anaemia worse? They are blood thinners so do they counteract the work of itron tablets anyway?

I have been on clexane injections for the last eleven weeks but would love to stop them, especially if they're contributing to my anaemia. The headaches are unbearable - can't even sleep through them.

I have just eaten a fried egg and six organic dried apricots glugged down with grapefruit juice. (I know well what foods are good for iron for vegetarians and how best to help absorption). Must get some watercress this afternoon.

Sinking...

2008-10-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

Nine weeks, two days.

Yesterday the nausea was so strong I had to pace outside. I held my hair back from my face, broke out in a sweat and started shaking. I was so, so close... After five minutes of pure disgusting torture I ran to the loo, on and off... running the water in the sink, staring down the plug hole, whishing I had my hairband with me... but I made it and didn't throw up in the end. (I really, really hate throwing up and will fight it will every ounce of my strength - for better or worse).

Last night and today, no change. Feel sick every minute, every hour and every day. And so, so tired.

On top of the nausea I've fallen into some kind of weird drepression, like a self-protection mechanism. I've convinced myself that I've lost my babies.

Warning: miserable, depressing post. Skip if you're bored with my complaints

I don't feel pregnant any more.

I can say this to you girls, but not to my DH or family as they just think I'm moaning and boring and saying the same things. But I need to get it off my chest.

I put on a lot of weight straight away at six weeks, my stomach exploded and I looked really flabby (which I was proud of). Up to about eight weeks I feel a tight, stretching feeling in my womb... and then I had three days of cramps. Not too bad, but strange like mild AF pains, and I also had stomach pains and diahorrea. I still feel very, very sick, but (sorry girls, don't read this if you will be upset) but I have more or less convinced myself that I have had a missed miscarriage. My body still thinks I'm pregnant and I feel exhausted and sick - but that's because my body has no idea that the pregnancy has failed. It's an awful thing to say but that feeling... the pregnancy, tight feeling has just stopped at about eight weeks or so, and now I just feel empty. I am not putting on any extra weight at all and my stomach feels flatter than before. I can't adequately explain how I feel apart from saying that there feels as if there is no progress any more, no expansion, no weight gain. Just sickness and exhaustion.

I have a scan on Friday so my doubts will either be confirmed or denied. But I wanted to say what I've been thinking and feeling, formally here, so that I'm not too shocked if it's true. :'( DH would never listen to these worries as he would find it annoying and stupid. But I can't help it. I just can't help it. I feel as if something's stopped, a process that was on-going is now halted. My body is no longer changing shape, if anything, going back a bit.

I hope against hope that what I have written is untrue and rubbish and just me being paranoid and imagining the worst case scenario. If all is perfectly fine at the scan on Friday I promise not to complain about this again.

As bad as ever

2008-10-14T02:42:00.000-07:00

Nine weeks, one day pregnant.

But I've just had the worst night yet. Apart from the constant nausea all day and night, and the overwhelming exhaustion and niggling headaches, I think I had a stomach upset because of something I ate. Pains and diahorrea all night AND insomnia on top of it all. I finally got to sleep at 1:00, but was awake at 2:00, 3:30 and 6:30. Finally got back to sleep at 7:30 and woke up at 9:00 utterly wrecked feeling like I was about to be sick (as usual). I haven't had a shower in four days I just don't feel I can cope. These days are so hard to get through. I can't wait to have other complaints instead of this torture...

The torture of continuous nausea

2008-10-07T13:45:00.000-07:00

I am eight weeks one day and feeling as sick as ever, and completely exhausted. Most afternoons I'm asleep by 2:00pm for an hour. Every minute of the day I fight nausea. I don't know how I get through the hours, days... weeks stretching in front of me... I cower at the near future. It's indomitable. Never ending. Frightening. How can I get through life like this?

I gag in my mind just thinking about any food or my office or work or going to bed or anything. My stomach turns every few seconds. I swallow hard and fight and fight. Why the hell does nature arrange it like this?? What is the point??